"I've got class. I've got class out the ass." -Jack Black

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

To say it's been a long time since I wrote would be... well, it would be accurate. A lot has happened. Nowadays, when you have a serious relationship with a girl, it's like there's just not enough time in the day! I'm speaking of course, of Marsha. I call her Marsha. She's from Cambodia and I got her through the internet. Her real name is something I can't pronounce. Something about "...injchin" or something like that. I tried to get the language a few times but gave up and we (Marsha and I) now have an understanding. An understanding that transcends "common-language."

I wrote a poem for Marsha when I picked her up from JFK:

My love from nether regions,
Who parts the air in flight.
Your people conquered legions,
You... my heart, without a fight.

In time we'll get to know each other,
Taking drives and making meals.
When cold, we'll hide 'neath cover(s),
Of blues and browns and teals.

Time was, when you and I were strangers,
When life hid us in other parts.
But now we've overcome the dangers;
Via Mastercard, you've touched my heart.

I have to run. More later!! :)


Monday, February 19, 2007


in·sane /ɪnˈseɪn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[in-seyn] Pronunciation Key –adjective
1. not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.
2. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is mentally deranged: insane actions; an insane asylum.
3. utterly senseless: an insane plan.


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

CHRISTMAS... and foil
I can't believe it's already Christmas again! It's been a fast year! Somewhere along the way, I think I lost my innocence, too. Actually I lost that last year at the county fair. It happened when I realized the booth where you throw a softball at milk bottles is actually rigged. They put sand in the bottom of the bottles and weigh them down so that they won't fall over. I read about it at www.whythemilkbottlestaysup.com It's pretty cool. I spent $12 throwing balls before I figured that out. Now I'm so cynical. Cynical about milk bottles... and love.

It turns out we're drawing gifts for the family. I got Lucy but worse than that is knowing that my cousin Richard drew my name. I KNEW that would happen! Richard doesn't have a job. He makes jewelry out of gum wrappers and sells them at the bottom of the freeway off-ramp. "Business" hasn't been very good this year, either. I suppose it doesn't matter that my family put a $30 limit on the gift amount: I'm getting a twisted piece of foil, made into a bracelet. I hate Richard.

Thanks for reading,

Tuesday, November 21, 2006


I guess when you finally dump your trashy, cheating husband, you get new friends. And hair extentions.
What I want to know is how the F did Brittney lose the weight soo fast. Was it surgery? Was it protein shakes? Was it a different flavor of Muscle Milk than what I have? Whatever it was-it worked and I want some. Brittney-you dropped some lbs. and K-fed, but your horrible sense of style will never disappoint us. You said it best when you told Matt Lauer while chewing gum "We're country".
I was sorry to hear about Rob's disaster at the mall. How embarrassing. How humiliating. Hope the next one works out. I mean, he is a lawyer people.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Cold Feet??

Well, that wasn't expected.
Someone must have gotten to her between setting up our meeting time and when she got my letter. I was tackled by three policemen when I walked up to the fountain. Angela was there, but standing behind the security guard's bullet proof glass. I couldn't see her expression... she was probably trying to talk to me but because she had her hand over her mouth, it was hard to tell. Apparently, I have to stay 500 yards from her at all times or something like that. I have to tell you, I'm confused by the mixed messages. I'm starting to think she's getting cold feet. I'm working on a letter that will hopefully explain my feelings to her... written in ketchup. She loves to have ketchup on her french fries. She also loves CSI. I don't know how to incorporate CSI in the letter though so I'm sticking with ketchup.

Well... you guessed it! I'm finally in love!! You will all be happy to know that I've met the butter to my bread, the cheese to my crackers, the egg to my nog. Only three weeks ago, I was over at her house, sitting across the street on my bike (just behind the hedge) at 3:54am, wondering, "when will she finally realize that it's me, me, me who will make her happy? I must make her realize that!!!" Oddly enough, just a few weeks, and several long letters later, she's agreed to meet me!! I just know she'll be happy with me!! It's not true that "Rob, you can't ask a girl to marry you by just writing 'marry me!!' 5,000 times in cursive, then spraying the letter with cologne!" Show's what my parents know! haha LMAO She finally agreed to meet me at the mall today, right by the fountain, and in front of the security desk. Only a fool wouldn't know that I've got the biggest plans for us!!! Anyway, I have to run but next time I write, it will be official! I'll be totally engaged!! I'd say wish me luck but when you have love, you don't need luck!! ;)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Life and Times

Wow, I've never seen a guy cry that hard. It's like I feel bad for him. This is why I have a hard job sometimes.

Life and Times

So, I guess by now all of you know I'm an attorney. It's hard being an attorney. There are a lot of pressures and you have a lot of people's lives hanging in the balance. I'm not going to sit here and say I'm as powerful or influential as George Washington in the revolutionary war but if I don't do my job right, people will probably die. Probably hundreds of them. I mean, you figure it out. I guess a lot of people have been asking me about how smart I am and stuff like that, because Im an attorney. It's weird. I don't feel better than other people even though I am an attorney. It's like sometimes, I feel just like one of you regular people. Sometimes I feel like I have a lot in common with other people. I'm laughing now because today as I was picked up by my driver, I saw a guy with no shirt and shoes walking across the street. The funny thing is that last week I had to go out on my back porch to check the alarm and I forgot my shoes and was only out there with stockings on my feet!! LOL It was sooo cold on my feet, I couldn't wait to get back inside!! LOL Next time I'll have one of the guys from that foreign country do that. They're more used to it than I am, probably. BRrrrr! Wow, it was sure cold! But I guess I really think people are all smart in their own way, that's all I'm saying.
Oh, I heard from my friend Braxton that Jami and Andre are finally engaged! Wow, that's awesome!! Andre is really good to her and the thing about him is, he doesn't cheat on her or that other girl at ALL. I just respect that in a guy. Apparently, he travels most weeks and has a lot of really "busy stuff" going on involving his "work" in Des Moines and all that stuff involving that other phone that he talks to some woman on in private. I remember one time, Jami aksed him "why are you always taking those calls in another room and who is the woman's voice I hear on that phone?" He got soooo mad, and was all yelling in Italian and stuff and his face was all red!! When he threw that fire poker at Jami and it landed right next to Jami's Crock Pot, it was so funny! Andre's always doing funny stuff like that! He cracks me up!

Anyway, I'm supposed to go fire some guy... so, I have to stop blogging but hey, at least I'm not him! hahaha LMAO!!!

So, take care,


Thursday, November 02, 2006

I just tried to call Rob to tell him the good news. He didn't answer. I left a voicemail. It's only midnight there. Oh sorry....you're a "lawyer" so you need some "sleep". Whatever.
Rob-What's your prob?

Andre came over the other day and proposed! It was amazing. He did it with one of those candy bar posters-where you use candy bars as words. Like..you're worth "100 GRAND". It was soo cute. It said stuff like "Don't "SNICKER", but I'm asking you to marry me", "You are my "SUGAR BABY" and "Please don't "ROLO"-over and die."
I mean it was really thoughtful. I didn't cry right away because I was eating a Twix-but later, I did. For hours.
We haven't decided on the honeymoon yet. We were thinking maybe a peace mission or something like that where we could work or dig all day in the hot sun. You know, something that will make us feel good telling a lot of people about.
It pays to have perseverance and patience. Because you get what you want sooner or sometimes later but you have patience to wait for that perserverance.